Smokers Lounge

Important Medical Warning!

2010-11-04T08:01:00.001-07:00

Medical Information about Gonorrhea Lectim

The Center for Disease Control has issued a warning about a new virulent strain of this old disease. The disease is called
Gonorrhea Lectim. It's pronounced “Gonna re-elect 'em,” and it is a terrible obamanation.

The disease is contracted through dangerous and high risk behavior involving putting your cranium up your rectum.
Many victims contracted it in 2008...but now most people, after having been infected for the past 1-2 years, are starting to realize how destructive this sickness is.

It's sad because Gonorrhea Lectim is easily cured with a new drug just coming on the market called Votemout.
You take the first dose in 2010 and the second dose in 2012 and simply don't engage in such behavior again; otherwise, it could become permanent and eventually wipe out all life as we know it.

Please pass this important message on to all those bright folk you really care about.

Amazing!!!!! A must watch....The Forgotten Man

2010-10-27T05:23:00.000-07:00

2010-10-27T05:14:00.001-07:00

Flying on Obama's private plane. Obama looked at Oprah, chuckled and said, 'You know, I could throw a $1,000 bill out of the window right now and make somebody very happy.

Oprah shrugged her shoulders and replied, 'I could throw ten $100 bills out of the window and make ten people very happy.

Michelle added, 'That being the case, I could throw one hundred $10 bills out of the window and make a hundred people very happy..

Hearing their exchange, the pilot rolled his eyes and said to his co-pilot, "Such big-shots back there. I could throw all three of them out of the window and make 256 million people very happy.'

2010-10-19T05:05:00.001-07:00

2010-10-18T05:58:00.000-07:00

2010-10-13T06:48:00.001-07:00

HAVE YOU EVER SEEN

2010-10-11T05:55:00.000-07:00

ONE LIKE THIS ???

Oh, for Pete's sake . . . calm down !

It's just a baby Panda

New born

.7 days old

13 days old.

17 days old

What were you thinking ???

Kitchen Notes

2009-10-01T05:12:00.000-07:00

Love this Artist

2009-09-22T07:10:00.000-07:00

I usually don't post this type of thing but I can't say enough good things about this young artist.

Birthday Celebrations

2009-09-17T06:47:00.000-07:00

Barbie Celebrates 50
Tweetie Celebrates 60
And other childhood superheros

2009-09-10T11:16:00.000-07:00

2009-09-03T10:56:00.001-07:00

Just when you think you have seen it all........
Stupidity is alive and doing quite well

'Breast Implants For Your Tattoo?!'

2009-09-02T05:39:00.000-07:00

Who was the mind or ass behind this?

2009-08-27T04:38:00.001-07:00

2009-08-14T11:33:00.000-07:00

This Old Tool Has Been Reintroduced

in Washington D.C. by The New Administration

Are You Starting To Feel It Yet ?

2009-07-30T11:34:00.000-07:00

Auto Blog Reply

I will be on vacation until August 10th

2009-07-29T06:42:00.000-07:00

LOL

2009-07-16T06:35:00.000-07:00

I Just Won 2 Swag Bucks on www.swagbucks.com

2009-07-16T05:46:00.001-07:00

I Just Won 2 Swag Bucks on www.swagbucks.com

Shared via AddThis

2009-07-15T08:33:00.001-07:00

2009-07-13T06:37:00.000-07:00

2009-07-10T08:33:00.000-07:00

2009-06-17T05:18:00.000-07:00

Cost of a bowl of soup at homeless shelter $0.00 dollarsHaving Michelle Obama serve you your soup $0.00 dollarsSnapping a picture of a homeless person who is receiving a government funded meal while taking a picture of the first lady using his $300 BlackBerry cell phone; Priceless!

2009-06-15T05:01:00.001-07:00

2009-06-11T05:35:00.001-07:00

2009-06-05T07:33:00.000-07:00

2009-05-28T05:15:00.000-07:00

In Honour of Stupid People . . . In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) -- 'Do not turn upside down.' (well,...duh, a bit late, huh!)

On Sainsbury's peanuts -- 'Warning: contains nuts.' (talk about a news flash)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine -- 'Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication.' (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5 year-olds with head-colds off those bulldozers.)

On Marks &Spencer Bread Pudding -- 'Product will be hot after heating.' (...and you thought????...)

On a Sears hairdryer -- Do not use while sleeping. (That's the only time I have to work on my hair.)

On a bag of Fritos -- You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special?)

On a bar of Dial soap -- 'Directions: Use like regular soap.' (and that would be???....)

On some Swanson frozen dinners -- 'Serving suggestion: Defrost.' (but, it's just a suggestion.)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron -- 'Do not iron clothes on body.' (but wouldn't this save me time?)

On Nytol Sleep Aid -- 'Warning: May cause drowsiness.' (..I'm taking this because???.....)

On most brands of Christmas lights -- 'For indoor or outdoor use only.' (as opposed to what?)

On a Japanese food processor -- 'Not to be used for the other use.' (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts -- 'Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts.' (Step 3: say what?)

On a child's Superman costume -- 'Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.' (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

On a Swedish chainsaw -- 'Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.' (Oh my God..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

****Blessed are the cracked: for it is they who let in the light*****

2009-05-26T07:37:00.000-07:00

2009-05-08T05:23:00.000-07:00

2009-05-02T06:35:00.000-07:00

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. (Hardly seems worth it.)

If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
(Now that's more like it !)

The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet. (O.M.G.!)

A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes. (In my next life, I want to be a pig..)

A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy.)
(I'm still not over the pig.)

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour
(Don't try this at home, maybe at work)

The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off. (Honey, I'm home. What the....?!)

The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a complete football field.

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds. (What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)

Some lions mate over 50 times a day. (I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity)

Butterflies taste with their feet. (Something I always wanted to know.)

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.(Hmmmmmm......)

Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.
(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)

Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump. (Okay, so that would be a good thing)

A cat's urine glows under a black light. (I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. ( I know some people like that.)

Starfish have no brains. (I know some people like that too.)

Polar bears are left-handed. (If they switch, they'll live a lot longer.)

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure. (What about that pig?)

2009-05-02T06:29:00.000-07:00

2009-04-29T09:26:00.000-07:00

Just When You Think You've Seen It ALL!

2009-04-24T10:08:00.000-07:00

Electronic Cigarettes??????

2009-04-22T04:54:00.000-07:00

Just when you think you heard it all. Here comes another round of "help you quit smoking" gadgets. I visited this site and I have to say it does seem interesting and maybe even worth a try. This product contains NO tobacco and produces no smoke. If your really sick of the price of cigarettes and ready to give them up it might be worth a try.

2009-04-21T06:44:00.000-07:00

2009-04-06T05:57:00.001-07:00

Gotta Watch this....NO BULLSHIT

2009-03-18T07:07:00.000-07:00

WOW.....

2009-03-14T08:44:00.000-07:00

2009-03-11T09:19:00.000-07:00

The Stimulus Shirt

2009-02-26T06:21:00.000-08:00

2009-02-20T06:17:00.000-08:00

Seems a sheep farmer in Alton Illinois was puzzled about the disappearance

of some sheep on his farm. After a few weeks the farmer decided to put up an

electric fence.

About a week later, this is what he found!

Now, I know we've all heard of people being eaten by snakes &
I bet most of us have said,

"If a snake tried to eat me, I'd blah, blah, blah & get away."

Well, this is a Python & they're extremely aggressive & have a few teeth that they use to hold their prey while they wrap around them & then constrict.
Could you get away if this one bit you & held on with it's
"few teeth?"
(Note: The wires are 10 inches apart.)

OOOHHH SH## !!!

2009-02-12T06:18:00.000-08:00

This year, taxpayers will receive an Economic Stimulus Payment.

This is a very exciting new program that I will explain using the Q and A
format:

Q. What is an Economic Stimulus Payment?

A It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.

Q. Where will the government get this money?

A. From taxpayers.

Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?

A. Only a smidgen.

Q. What is the purpose of this payment?

A. The plan is that you will use the money to purchase a high-definition
TV set, thus stimulating the economy.

Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China ?

A. Shut up.

Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the US economy by
spending your stimulus check wisely:

If you spend that money at Wal-Mart, all the money will go to China ..

If you spend it on gasoline it will go to the Arabs.

If you purchase a computer it will go to India .

If you purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico ,
Honduras and Guatemala (unless you buy organic).

If you buy a car it will go to Japan .

If you purchase useless crap it will go to Taiwan .

And none of it will help the American economy.

We need to keep that money here in America . You can keep the money in
America by spending it at yard sales, going to a baseball game, or spend
it on prostitutes, beer (domestic ONLY), or tattoos, since those are the
only businesses still in the US.

2009-02-06T11:37:00.000-08:00

2009-02-05T08:33:00.000-08:00

AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES

1. AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP.

2. AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT BY USING THE SINK.

3. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS. REMEMBER TO USE A TIMER.

4. A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.

5. IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES. THEN YOU'LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH.

6. YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE - WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE. IF I T DOESN' T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40. IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE.

7. IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.

DAILY THOUGHT: SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES, NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING ....BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS.

No Applause Please

2009-02-03T11:38:00.000-08:00

Football season has ended (wiping the tears from my eyes) and the winner is......ME! I won our football pool for a $150. I beat out many men who struggle to study the statistics and watch all the sports announcers give their opinion on the weekend games. How much did it help them? NONE! For I have surpassed their inability to pick the most winning games for the season. Hooray for ME!

SHOW ME THE MONEY!

Leaked Superbowl Commerical

2009-01-30T08:59:00.001-08:00

Too Funny! Never take your Wii Remote to the Bathroom

2009-01-21T10:27:00.000-08:00

2009-01-16T09:55:00.001-08:00

2009-01-15T07:08:00.000-08:00

Difference between a woman and a mans closet

2009-01-13T10:16:00.000-08:00

Body Statistics

It takes your food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.
One human hair can support 3 kg (6 lb).
The average man's penis is three times the length of his thumb.
Human thighbones are stronger than concrete.
A woman's heart beats faster than a man's.
There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.
Women blink twice as often as men.
The average person's skin weighs twice as much as the brain.
Your body uses 300 muscles to balance itself when you are standing still.

Women reading this will be finished now.
Men who read this are probably still busy checking their thumbs.

My Weekend

2009-01-09T09:12:00.000-08:00

2009-01-07T16:23:00.000-08:00

2009-01-07T11:16:00.001-08:00

Little David was in his 5th grade classwhen the teacher asked the children what their fathers didfor a living. All the typical answers came up-fireman, policeman, salesman, etc.David was being uncharacteristically quietand so the teacher asked him about his father.'My father's an exotic dancer in a gay bar andtakes off all hisclothes in front of other men. Sometimes, if the offer isreally good, he'llgo out to the alley with some guy and make love with himformoney.'The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedlyset theother children to work on some coloring, and took LittleDavid aside to ask him, 'Is that really true about yourfather?'' No,' said David,'He plays for the Detroit Lions, but I was tooembarrassed tosay that in front of the other kids.

2009-01-07T08:51:00.000-08:00

For Those of you who give a ????

2009-01-02T14:58:00.001-08:00

Marijuana decriminalization law goes into effect in MA

Release the HOUNDS

2008-12-31T07:27:00.000-08:00

2008-12-31T07:22:00.000-08:00

Boobs an Willies

2008-12-29T06:32:00.001-08:00

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, 'Dad, how

many Kinds of boobs are there?'

The father, surprised, answers, 'Well, son, a woman goes through three

Phases. In her 20s, a woman's boobs are like melons, round and firm

In her 30s to 40s , they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit.

After 50, they are like onions'.

'Onions?'

'Yes, you see them and they make you cry.'

This infuriated his wife and daughter, so the daughter said, 'Mom, how

Many kinds of 'willies' are there?'

The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, 'Well dear, a man goes

Through three phases also. In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree,

Mighty and hard.

In his 30s and 40s, it is like a birch, flexible but Reliable.

After his 50s, it is like a Christmas tree'.

'A Christmas tree?'

'Yes --- dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration.

Adam Sandler Santa Song

2008-12-19T04:56:00.000-08:00

Mrs Hughes

2008-12-16T09:03:00.001-08:00

Meet The Peeps!!!!!!

2008-12-15T05:58:00.000-08:00

Peepalot is a new way to drive mad traffic to your site. See your peep at the top and that means your popular and people like you.....at the bottom...well ya know...rework your site or hit delete because it sucks!!!!!

2008-12-12T07:11:00.000-08:00

The World's Shortest Fairy Tale

2008-12-10T08:53:00.000-08:00

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl 'Will you marry me?' The girl said, 'NO!' And the guy lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and went fishing and hunting and played golf a lot and drank beer and scotch and left the toilet seat up and farted whenever he wanted.

Awesome Tee's

2008-12-09T08:16:00.000-08:00

2008-12-09T06:34:00.000-08:00

My thoughts exactly!

2008-12-04T06:00:00.000-08:00

2008-12-02T08:33:00.000-08:00

Keep It Clean

2008-12-01T05:05:00.001-08:00

Advertising Jingles

2008-11-26T05:11:00.001-08:00

What is 100%

2008-11-26T04:54:00.001-08:00

This comes from 2 math teachers with a combined total of 70 yrs. experience.

Here is a little something someone sent me that is indisputable mathematical logic. It also made me Laugh Out Loud.

This is a strictly mathematical viewpoint...it goes like this:

What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:

If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then:

H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

and

K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

But ,

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

And,

B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.

A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty, that While Hard work and Knowledge will get you close,and Attitude will get you there, its the Bullshit and Ass kissing that will put you over the top.

'REMEMBER SOME PEOPLE ARE ALIVE SIMPLY BECAUSE IT IS ILLEGAL TO SHOOT THEM'

2008-11-25T09:55:00.000-08:00

How I'm Feeling Today!

2008-11-25T05:04:00.000-08:00

Smoker or Not...Just Plain Funny

2008-11-21T08:54:00.001-08:00

Where to Smoke

2008-11-21T08:29:00.000-08:00

Just about everywhere you go you see these signs:

Going to bars to have acouple drinks and smoke is out of the question unless you go to a privately owned club. So I haven't been going out too much lately. I do have memberships to some private clubs and I can pretty much pick up a conversation with anyone around. BUT I do have my "non-smoking" friends and family members. So I do have to compromise. Doesn't seem like they do but whatever. I'll stand outside in the freezing rain, snow and blow freezing temperatures just for you non-smokers.

BTW who the hell drinks and doesn't smoke anyway?